Under the rim

 

I was squirting disinfectant down the toilet the other day, I know, the glamorous life of a comedian, when I noticed the words on the bottle.  This disinfectant claims it kills germs “even under the rim.”  I got to thinking…why?  Why kill germs under the rim of my toilet?  I’ve never been there and I don’t know anyone else who has so why kill them they are not threat. 

 

It’s like my disinfectant has modelled itself on American foreign policy.  “We invade countries, even under the rim.  Those that pose no threat, even if they don’t have biological weapons.” 

I never lay awake at night worrying about the germs under the rim.  No one does.  The chemical company that makes this stuff has created a paranoia all of it’s own so it can sell us more disinfectant.  For all I know there could be a little microscopic community living under the rim with culture and philosophy.  Perhaps they have debates on subjects like, “Is there anything beyond the rim?”  Maybe they worship my bum.  I don’t know, but one thing is certain, they sure as hell don’t bother me.

 

Now I worry that maybe I should be worrying about the germs under the rim.  Perhaps I’m a bad father because I allow the germs under the rim of the toilet bowl to flourish.  I really just don’t care enough.  They’ll come one day and take my kids away and say, “Look at him, he let the germs flourish beneath the rim.”  And only I and the little microscopic civilisation beneath my toilet bowl will know that I was only being merciful.

 

John Burns

Purple Comedy

 

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