You need some support, now more then ever.  You have lost half of yourself.  You have lost your purpose and your partner.   There will be so many moments of guilt, and so many memories that are painful and beautiful, all at the same time.  You will feel nothing, and then everything.  Your surroundings will trigger memories that you can’t bare to think about, and that you can’t ever forget.  Get some support.  Groups are out there to help with grieving.  They are there for a reason.  Don’t make hasty decisions about your lifestyle, or try to bury or out run your feelings by making changes that you are not ready mentally, physically or emotionally to make.   This situation that you find yourself in, is not about being strong, or toughing it out; its about feeling the pain, and slowly accepting this part of the journey through life, as you find a path to healing and move on.